To our friends and family whom we have not seen for a long
time,
It’s been a year and a half since I’ve been back home to
Bismarck. A lot has happened in our
lives since then, as I know has in all of yours as well. Since moving to Honduras in June of 2013 and
moving back to Portland, OR in March of this year we have experienced the
ecstasies and agonies that life has to offer.
I have done a very poor job keeping my friends and family up
to date regarding what has gone on in our life.
For me, it is difficult to talk openly about things that consume my
entire mind, body and spirit on a day-to-day basis. But you are my friends and my family, and it
is important to share our experiences with all of you whom we have so much
history and so much love.
After 2 exciting years of living in Boston while Jenn was going to Harvard Business School, Jenn and I moved to Honduras to volunteer at a home for
children called Amigos de Jesús (AdJ) in June of 2013 with the plan of staying
there until the end of the year. AdJ is
a home for about 100 boys and girls between the ages of 2 and 22. Jenn and I lived in a little apartment
between the boys’ dorms.
Jenn’s primary responsibilities from a work perspective were
human resource development with the staff as well as professionalizing some of
their organizational processes (accounting, hiring, etc.). I worked more closely with the kids doing
after school activities and summer school.
I also helped out with the management of their construction
projects.
Day to day life at AdJ revolves around the kids and therefore
consists of following consistent routine: Wake up, eat, go to school, eat, do chores,
play, eat, play, pray, go to sleep.
Outside the normal routine, life consists of responding to wild and
unpredictable events inherent to living at a home for children in
Honduras: New children arriving at the home
(sometimes unannounced), dealing with a wide range of behavioral issues,
dealing with the general dysfunction that comes along with living in one of the
poorest and most dangerous countries in Latin America, etc.
AdJ is a collision of the saddest and happiest things that
humanity has to offer. It is a place
full of children who have gone through hell and deal with the effects that this
hell has taken on them mentally, physically and emotionally every day. But it is also a place of incredible joy where
children are given the safety, security and relationships to heal from their
wounds and just be normal kids. Each day
is filled with endless laughter, smiles and hugs. Each day, the children thank God for blessing
them with one more day of life.
After Jenn and I had been at AdJ for about 4 months, our world got flipped upside down when Britney Elizabeth was dropped off, unannounced, the day after her 2nd birthday. Since Britney was too young to live with the other children in the dorms, she came to live with Jenn and I.
From the moment Britney showed up at AdJ, she was glued to
Jenn like her mother. In her early days,
Britney was terrified of her new home and the new people in her life, but Jenn
was always there as Britney’s security blanket.
Jenn was the only thing in Britney’s life that made her feel safe. For the first 3 weeks, I was unable to be in
the same room as Britney without her crying.
She was incredibly insecure and wary, especially of men. In the first 2 years of Britney’s life, she
had been sent by her grandfather, who was her primary caregiver, to live in
orphanages three times – an incredible amount of instability to go through
during the first 2 years of life.
After about a month with us, Britney began her amazing transformation from an insecure and fearful baby in to a confident, outgoing and friendly little girl whom everyone adored. It was incredible to be a part of. She began to feel safe around me as well as the other children and staff at AdJ, although Jenn was always her #1. Jenn, Britney and I quickly became our own little family within the larger AdJ family. We were “Mami” and “Papi” and she was our daughter.
After about a month with us, Britney began her amazing transformation from an insecure and fearful baby in to a confident, outgoing and friendly little girl whom everyone adored. It was incredible to be a part of. She began to feel safe around me as well as the other children and staff at AdJ, although Jenn was always her #1. Jenn, Britney and I quickly became our own little family within the larger AdJ family. We were “Mami” and “Papi” and she was our daughter.
Jenn and I began the process of trying to adopt Britney after about a month. The process started out very positive, and we were hopeful. But soon after, we found out that Britney’s biological family was trying to get her back in their custody once again. It quickly became apparent that we would not be able to adopt Britney – which was difficult. After a couple months of uncertainty, the judge in charge of Britney’s case decided that she would go back to her biological family, the same people that had already abandoned her 3 times in her short life – this was devastating.
While all of this was going on, Jenn, Britney and I grew
closer and closer together as a family and Britney continued to blossom in to
an incredible little girl. We celebrated
Christmas and New Year’s together, and went on a couple weekend vacations to
the beach. The quality time Jenn and I
spent with Britney during this time was priceless – an experience of heaven
that we knew would be short-lived.
In early February 2014, our little family that had grown so close over that past 4 months was broken up when we dropped Britney off at her grandfather’s house. We watched as our sweet little girl went through another painful transition and more experiences of abandonment, and it was completely out of our control.
Before the drop-off, we had arranged with the family to
visit Britney daily over the first week to help her transition to her new
situation. Each day, we would go and
visit for a few hours, spend time with Britney and try to help her understand
that this was her new home and we weren’t going to be living there. Each day when we left Britney had to be
pulled off of Jenn as she cried “Don’t go Mami, don’t go.”
We dropped Britney off on a Monday, fully accepting the fact
that she was going to be with her family and not us. Wednesday of that week, as we were leaving
after our visit with Britney, we were unexpectedly pulled aside by one of
Britney’s aunts for a secret conversation.
The aunt went on to tell us that the family had lied to the judge about
their financial and living situation in order to get her back. She told us that she was part of this
deception but was now fearful for Britney’s safety and her future. She said that Britney should be with us and
she was going to try to convince the rest of the family that Britney would be
better off with us. Jenn and I left that
conversation shocked. We didn’t know
what to think, but it felt like the start of the miracle we had been praying
for.
The next day, Thursday, we sat down with Britney’s
grandfather, her legal guardian, for a talk about Britney’s future. He told us how much he loves her, and how
much he missed her the 4 months she was with us (although he never once called
or visited her). He told us how he could
see how much we loved Britney and how much she loved us and that God had put us
in her life to become her mother and father.
He said that he could die a happy man knowing that she was well taken
care of, and that he would go to the judge the next Monday and tell him that he
wanted us to be Britney’s guardians. Our
miracle seemed to be unfolding in front of us.
On Monday, we went to visit Britney and the family –
hopeful, but skeptical. While we were at
their house, the grandfather, aunt and uncle went to go talk to the judge. We waited with Britney at the house in
anticipation. When they came back, we
could tell that something was off. The
family said they told the judge that they wanted Britney to be with us, but
said the judge would not allow it, as they are responsible for her as her
biological family. They also told us
that the judge was concerned that we were hanging around their house and wanted
us to leave the house immediately. We
were very confused and devastated as we left the house to Britney’s cries “Don’t
go Mami, don’t go.”
Moments after we left the house we talked to the lawyer of
AdJ who was at the courthouse while the family was talking to the judge. She had overheard their conversation and told
us what really happened. When the family
spoke to the judge, they told him that we were refusing to leave their house
and were trying to convince them to give us Britney. They came close to accusing us of attempted
child trafficking, but fell short of saying we offered them bribes. The judge knew this was not true, as we had talked
to him about our plans to help transition Britney already. So he simply sent the family away.
To this day we’re not sure what happened. Why did the aunt pull us aside for that
secret conversation? Why did the
grandfather say he wanted us to have Britney?
Why did they go to the judge at all?
Why not just ask us to leave? Was
any of it sincere, or were they trying to manipulate us for some gain? We still don’t know. We visited Britney one more time 2 weeks
later and left Honduras for the USA shortly after that. All of our attempts to confront the family
about what happened were not responded to, but the grandfather did say we could
come visit occasionally.
So we flew to Portland, OR, found an apartment, and moved
in. It turns out that life continues to
move forward despite our hardships. We
live 10 minutes from my older sister and her family and it’s been wonderful
having a family support network near.
Jenn is currently doing a search for a small business to buy and operate
and I got an engineering job designing printers for HP.
We call Britney every Sunday to talk and try to get an idea
of how she is doing. We also go back to
Honduras every 2 or 3 months to visit her for a few days and we have a
wonderful friend in Honduras that has invested in Brit’s life and visits her
every couple weeks.
It’s been about 10 months since we dropped Britney off at
her grandfather’s, but we are still a family.
I am still Papi, Jenn is still Mami and Brit is still our daughter. I am writing this letter as we fly back from
our fourth visit back to Honduras to visit Brit since leaving. Brit is doing well despite her circumstances
– which is an answered prayer. She still
has the same spark we came to know when she was living with us. It took a few visits, but she now understands
that Mami and Papi only come to visit and that we will always come back again. She is still glued to Jenn every moment they
are together.
So that’s the story.
Through it all Jenn and I have found comfort and stability in our faith and in our
marriage - we are grateful to have such solid foundations to stand on during difficult times. We are also very grateful for the support and
prayers of our friends and family.
We ask for your continued prayer and support as our family
enters in to a new challenge as my Dad, Steve Sr., has recently been diagnosed
with lymphoma and will be starting chemotherapy at the end of December.
Jenn and I wish you all merry Christmas and hope to see many
of you during our trip back Bismarck Dec. 23rd – Jan. 2nd. We have missed you all very much!
Peace, and Merry Christmas,
Dan and Jenn
Peace, and Merry Christmas,
Dan and Jenn
